Attracting

June 28 to July 4

I had three different lessons this week around exposure, vulnerability, and discernment, each of which are required when attracting new people into my life and my business.  They were all online experiences and each one taught me something valuable about myself.  The first was a free webinar offered by someone in my field who has had an online successful presence for years.  The second was a proposal I’d made, offering a hypnotherapy session in exchange for a haircut and the response I received.  The third was a positive reaction on social media to a comment I’d made. 

The seminar promised a successful marketing strategy for online hypnotherapists, and yet it exhibited all the ways that I don’t want to show up in the world to market myself.  I believe in authenticity, transparency, integrity, and trust.  Those are the foundations I want to build my business on, so anything that isn’t aligned with that just feels wrong.  I’m not going to harass people into working with me.  I’m not going to push or direct them.  I’m not going to tell them why they should choose me over someone else, as I don’t believe I need to compete with others, but instead collaborate.  If I were to attract a client who has an issue that I know would be handled better by another hypnotherapist, I’d refer them.  If I felt a client wasn’t a good match for my services, I’d tell them.  If I was told that someone wasn’t happy with the results they had after a session, I’d gladly refund them.  I am building a business that revolves around my values.  I see it as an extension of me and I care about how I treat people.  I want to know what didn’t work for them.  I want to know how I can improve.  I want to hear the things they are possibly afraid of saying.  I want the truth, because the truth always leads to growth. 

My body reacted to the energy being transmitted through this seminar and by the end of the hour and a half meeting, I was shaking and knew that I had to get out into nature and recover my calm.  Nothing was wrong with the person giving the seminar.  This person felt that what they were teaching was valuable and important and really believes that they are helping people the best way they know how.  They have evidence to back themselves up that this method is successful for them.  However, my nervous system recognized that this was not the kind of message I want to be transmitting and not the way that I wish to be seen.  I think what was so disappointing was that I was so hopeful and excited and looking forward to finding more of my people.  However, the experience taught me that although there are people who do what I do, there are many ways to do it and many beliefs and perspectives from which to do it.  My nervous system knew before I did that this just wasn’t a match and showed me through my body with signs I could recognize that this was not the way for me.

On a whim, I decided to see if there was anyone willing to exchange haircutting services for hypnosis.  I normally wouldn’t put myself out there this way, but instead go to a hairdresser and pay.  Because I’ve been doing visibility work, I decided why not!  I did receive a response, but there was no interest in hypnotherapy.  Despite this, I continued engaging and an offer of a free haircut was made.  This was very generous and kind, but wasn’t what I intended and insisted that I would pay.  Logistics were being worked out and through all of it, I had assumed that this exchange would take place at this person’s home.  That was not the case and when I learned that the offer was to come to my home, I felt an instant response in my body of feeling unsafe. 

I need to clarify that it had nothing to do with the person offering this and everything to do with my nervous system and boundaries.  I’ve spent the last few years, but particularly the last six months, strengthening my personal boundaries in so many ways.  The last six months have really been about making my home feel safe.  My home is my sanctuary.  It is where I retreated from the world to go inwards and find myself.  It is where my family and my animals live.  It is precious and I don’t let just anyone in.  So, when my body recognized that I was being asked to let someone I knew nothing about into my safe space, it reacted.  I felt tension in my lower back along with a sense of panic and fear set in.  I had to sit with myself for a while and work through this, questioning if I was just scared of getting out of my comfort zone and meeting new people, but the reality of opening up my home to a stranger just didn’t feel safe.  I told this person as much and thankfully, they understood. Knowing what my boundaries are and recognizing when my body is signaling that they’ve been crossed is invaluable information that I can use every day.

The third interaction wasn’t related to hypnotherapy at all.  I joined a Facebook group that is a fan page for a particular series I watched and loved.  Someone posted a picture of a tee-shirt and asked if anyone would wear it.  It had the main character of the show with one of his catchphrases on it.  I commented “Yes!” I’d made the comment a while ago and thought nothing of it, but as I was in the middle of building a chicken coop with my partner this week, I checked my phone for the time and saw that someone had “liked” my comment.  That person appeared to be the star of the series, so I was super excited that this person saw my comment and “liked” it.  I quickly showed my partner and was very exuberant for the next few hours.  I knew there was a chance it was a social media manager and not the real star, but I still enjoyed the positive feedback.  A few hours later, I had to dig in further as I needed to know if this was legitimate.  Through peels of laughter, I realized this was someone acting as an impersonator.  The Facebook account was brand new and this person had zero followers.  I laughed so hard at my naivety and had to admit to friends that I’d been duped. 

This lesson felt far less emotional than the others, since there was nothing real at stake aside from exposing my gullibility and my bruised pride.  What I learned from this lesson is that I do get caught up in excitement and enthusiasm, especially if feedback is positive and I’m distracted.  At any other moment, had I more time and presence to look into who made that comment, I’d have immediately uncovered it was someone posing as a star. 

However, I am someone who hasn’t allowed myself to feel that kind of excitement, enthusiasm, and exuberance for things for quite some time.  So, I think this bit of daydreaming and expansive optimistic thinking is good for me.  It resulted in a good laugh at myself and an afternoon of feeling like I was floating on air.  I think the key to this type of expansive feeling is to know how to come back to centre and not crash.  As a kid, I’d had such big expectations of people and experiences in my life and when they didn’t live up to them, I was greatly disappointed.  Eventually, this taught me not to expect much at all from anyone or anything.  But over the past few years as I’ve slowly let more and more of my true self emerge from within, I have opened up again to this expansive optimism.  I think it is a superpower and as long as I can balance it with grounded practicality, I believe I can find a way to meet myself in the middle.

All of these experiences made me feel like I was a newborn stepping out into the world for the first time, wide eyed and excited about everything, with very little regard for my own safety.  In a way, this is true.  I am stepping out into an online world that is new to me where I need to be seen.  This used to feel scary and unsafe, but since I’ve used hypnosis and other means to work on my visibility and fear of being seen, I’ve noticed a huge shift in my energy, approach, and response to putting myself out there.  I’m not scared and protective and wanting to hide myself away anymore.  Instead, I’m excited and optimistic about the possibilities that await me.  And this change in approach didn’t come from a pill, a diet, or a quick fix.  It came from years of dedication to personal growth along with spirituality, hypnotherapy, and just being open and consistently showing up for myself.

I let my fear hold me back for so long and I didn’t think there’d ever be a day when these things wouldn’t scare me.  Not everyone will understand this because many people love to be seen and need to be seen.  For me, this was not true, at least not in a public sense.  I think what I needed and still do to a degree was people to truly see who I am, not the persona I’ve tried to project or the identity I’ve tried to stuff myself into.  The real me.  The authentic me who says no to the marketing that everyone else is doing and I’m told is the only way of doing it.  The authentic me who isn’t afraid to tell someone that offers me a free haircut that I don’t feel safe inviting strangers into my home.  The authentic me that laughs at herself for being fooled by a Facebook imposter.

I think this is what I really want to get across to people who wish to work with me.  I don’t have it all figured out and I likely never will and that’s ok.  No one does.  No one is an expert.  No one knows all the things.  No one has all of the answers.  If they say they do, they likely believe it, but a belief can still be a lie.  We all have beliefs we hold that are lies and those are usually the ones that are hardest to change and result in the biggest shifts.

On to decoding this week’s messages that the universe gave me.  They are Wyoming, middle road, rhubarb, and red flag.  I think there are fewer this week because I had the three big lessons I spoke of above.

Wyoming – Wyoming came up in two conversations this week.  The first was with a friend as she was recounting her experience at a retreat and a person she’d met there who she thought had similar energy to me.  The other conversation was about kids travelling to this state for sports.  I don’t know much about Wyoming, but on a trip Vegas in 2013, we drove through it.  If I recall correctly, we were pulled over for speeding and the cop decided it would just be a warning when he saw we were from out of country, which was great for us. I think it was also the least remarkable part of our drive, with very little going on in the landscape through the route we took.  This isn’t to say that the state is boring, as I realize it is home to Yellowstone and some other beautiful features.  We were just passing through on a way to a further destination and time was of the essence, so we really didn’t get a good feel for the place. Maybe the message here is that things aren’t always as they appear.  Just because we didn’t see the beautiful parts of this state doesn’t mean that they don’t exist.

Middle road – A friend’s idea of a podcast brought this message to me this week.  It also appeared in an astrology forecast for the last half of the year.  I find that I am usually one who rides the middle road (metaphorically, not literally – I’m a great driver).  I tend not to swing too far one way or the other when people are spouting opinions or explaining their perspectives.  I like to try to see things from all sides and when I can’t, it’s usually a clue that I’ve got some work to do in that area.  So, my guess about this message is to stay neutral and in the middle, not playing one side or the other, but to remain open to all possibilities.

Rhubarb – Rhubarb was pointed out to me during a Canada Day outing this week.  It also popped up in an offer from my mom for some desserts.  I like rhubarb, if paired with the right fruit and sweetened a lot.  We have tried to grow it repeatedly and it has never taken.  I know that it can be difficult to get rid of as it is resilient once it takes root.  Maybe the message here is about putting down strong roots, being resilient and being ok with being a little acerbic or harsh for some people’s taste.  I know I can be a little harsh at times, especially if my boundaries are crossed, but I am learning how to stand my ground and express myself with power and not trying to sugar coat things.

Red flag – Waking from a dream, I had a tune of a song stuck in my head.  I knew it was a band I liked but couldn’t remember the name of.  I also couldn’t remember the words.  After a few days, it bothered me enough that I looked it up and realized the name of the song was Red Flag.  A card reading I watched on Facebook mentioned watching out for someone acting like a jerk as it was a red flag.  I think I’ve gotten better at feeling into things that don’t seem quite like they’re for me, but from my discussion above, it appears I have more learning to do!  I can spot obvious red flags.  However, there have been many times in my life when I’ve chosen to ignore them.  It’s possible I’m still doing it now.  I’m ok with this because I know that this is a way my subconscious protects me.  I am committed to seeking my truth and I will continue to allow it to unfold as I continue to find my path forward in life.  Recognizing red flags is important.  Learning not to ignore them and trust my intuition is something I’m working on.

I don’t think I even need to decode these in hypnosis this week.  I have a pretty good idea of the overall message, especially as it pertains to being more visible in the world, how I might be perceived, and attracting aligned people.  I think my perception of Wyoming was inaccurate because I saw only a small part and didn’t spend the time to get to see all of it, so my takeaway was that it was boring and flat.  This might be how I am perceived by others if I’m not trying to loudly get their attention. Middle road is where I can position myself as it is pretty much where I live and where I can maintain that perspective of all things, never swinging too far to the extremes.  Rhubarb teaches me to develop roots, build resiliency, and speak my truth, even if it isn’t sugar coated and might be a little hard to swallow.  Red flags will always show up, but the more I practice recognizing them and steering clear of them, the more discerning I’ll become.

Well, look at me figuring this out on my own!  I’m so proud of myself!  And, just like using hypnosis, the more you do it, the better you get! 

I haven't been doing much creating at all for a while, so there are no new art installments for viewing. With the rain that's been abundantly falling from the sky and now the addition of heat, the yard and outdoor activities are taking up most of my time and energy. So, I'll leave you with a picture of a rainbow captured after a hot summer storm (if you look closely, you can see that it was trying to be a double rainbow). Hopefully, it'll remind you that even though there may be extreme weather happening around the world including heat waves, flooding and volcanic activity, and that this might also be mirrored in social and political events, there is always room for beauty and new beginnings.