The Fall

September 8 to 14, 2025

We’ve been through an eclipse portal and made it to the other side! I thought I’d been doing alright avoiding chaos and just witnessing it happening to those around me, but then this weekend, it hit!  And not in the way I’d expected.  I felt I’d transitioned pretty well through the full moon eclipse.  I kept my actions small and really didn’t feel a lot of energy except for the day of and I thought I’d let it through me in a healthy way.  Generally, I tend to feel things in advance of major events, or I think I do.  I still have trouble determining what is mine emotionally and what I’m picking up from the collective. 

I made some decisions about my business this week that made me feel more in control and positive about the future.  I still took my time to implement them, but by the end of the week, I was pretty happy with what I’d accomplished.  I was also able to connect with a spiritually minded friend and we had an awesome conversation.  I don’t have a lot of  people who share my interests, so this was a special treat. 

Things at home were also picking up.  A short turn around for back to work news, a busy school schedule, and family stopping by with some staying the weekend made for a busy time.  I don’t usually do busy well unless I have some advance notice, which I did.  We are also in the middle of a reno, so that adds more chaos and mess and I’d had a few sleepless nights on top of things. This weekend saw 13 cats and kittens in the house at once and that’s pretty crazy just on its own.  So, as you can see, I had a lot going on in a typically calm place. 

I take my home and my space very seriously.  I have done a lot of work to manifest the place I now live in.  I’ve painted bright cheerful colours that make me happy when I see them and put a number of my creations on the walls.  I feel at peace here and I have taken measures to keep my home serene.  So, knowing and not knowing all the things that were to come, I was expecting some discomfort.

Part of the reason I was feeling this way is because it is September.  This is a busy month for most.  It is the month of my daughter’s birth and last year around this time, there were some traumatic events that occurred.  I guess the memory of that time is likely sitting heavy on my mind and heart and I was concerned about old patterns repeating.

Repeat they did, but not in the way I expected, and not with whom I expected.  I had some unresolved feelings with a friend; currently, my only friend I see regularly.  And through some impromptu plans, changes, and additions, I was feeling overwhelmed and knew I couldn’t handle more people and more things, so we cancelled.  However, a pattern emerged that had been repeating in the past that I had not addressed and this was the cause for my chaos.  My anger erupted, I’m sure to her seemingly out of nowhere, but aimed in her direction nonetheless.  It was a moment where I knew I had to be calm and think through my words and pause before communicating what I felt.  This isn’t always easy as emotions can be a lot and these were.  I was shaking.  I knew the situation itself didn’t warrant this much emotion, but I also knew it was old feelings that had been shoved down finally coming to the surface.  And I’m not proud of how I handled it because my words weren’t as gentle as I’d normally form them.  But I was proud of myself for actually speaking up.  Confrontation is not something I do well, but I’ve had my boundaries crossed enough times that I know what that anger feels like in my body. I think I’m still in the aftershock of it all right now.  I feel calmer, but I also feel like there will be some difficult conversations to come. 

In the past, I’ve avoided difficult conversations in relationships with anyone who wasn’t family.  I’m not sure how I feel about that.  Sometimes, I think I’m pulling an “Irish goodbye” and sometimes I think I’m just done and our time together has just come to a close and we’ve learned from each other what we needed and now it’s time we go on our separate ways.  Friend breakups are hard and not really talked about as much as romantic relationship breakups.  And I’m not someone who has a large friend group.  I find it takes a lot of energy and commitment that I don’t always have to maintain a number of friendships and the older I get, the more I like being alone. 

I know this is definitely a growth opportunity for me, so I’m hoping the future has a positive outcome, regardless of what it ends up being.  I have to trust that it will because that’s how I choose to believe the universe supports me.  Even if it is painful and uncomfortable, if it is for my highest good, then I will survive it.

Now, on to the messages for this week: siddhis, quintessence, reverse engineering, leave of absence, Hollywood/LA, fight with a friend, and being at your worst.  Recurring themes that also showed up were eclipse and clockwork.

Siddhis – I don’t know much about this word, but I’d been absorbing a lot of spiritual content this week and it came up a few times around time travel, dream work, and the Gene Keys.  My understanding is that they are extraordinary powers or abilities that can be achieved through spiritual advancement (think levitation, being in two places at once, telepathy, clairvoyance, etc).  And I guess I was most focused on the Gene Keys as it was something I’d briefly looked into a year or two ago and is coming up again in my life.  Through living your life and understanding your shadows, turning them into gifts, and then achieving the siddhis through deep contemplation is a very distilled explanation of what I understand the Gene Keys to be.  I can see how repeating patters in your life that happen over and over again until you understand how to overcome them is my message this week.  I have ghosted friends in the past because I’ve been too scared to have a difficult conversation and now I’m being tested again.

Quintessence – Again, this came up in spiritual content, as it is definitely not an everyday word I use.  The most perfect example of something.  The essence of a thing in its purest and most concentrated form.  I think I’d encountered it as a spiritual level to attain, not that there are hierarchies really when it comes to spirituality.  My belief is that the purpose of this life is simply to live it, while experiencing as many perspectives as possible.  I suppose again, dealing with the friend situation and coming to terms with having that difficult conversation and trusting the outcome will be in the best interests of all is what I’m getting for this message.

Reverse engineering – This idea came up in a dream.  It was a fleeting concept on the edge of my memory as I awoke one morning.  I knew I had one foot on the ground, and I was spinning.  I also knew I was taking knowledge from someone else’s methods and combining it with my own.  It felt like instructions on how to move forward with work and life and figuring out who I am becoming in general.  This message also showed up in a spiritual show and a not so spiritual show.  I guess because this conflict is front and centre in my mind, I’m thinking it’s likely a message to dissect what I’d done in the past and how I could do it differently.  Or perhaps, taking a difficult conversation I’ve had with family and reverse engineering that and applying it to the friendship.

Leave of absence – This came up with my partner while he waited to hear about getting back to work and also in a show where psychic abilities were temporarily offline.  I was offered a leave of absence by my previous employer when I’d finally had enough and gave my notice.  This, I found interesting because I knew that if I’d first approached my employer and asked for a leave, it would have been denied.  Additionally, a leave offered, was really just postponement of the inevitable.  No one would have stepped in to take on my workload and being away for a period of time just meant I’d have that much more to deal with when I came back.  Regardless, I think maybe the message for me in this is that perhaps I need a leave of absence from the friendship, or maybe just a slowdown.  I feel that my retreat into my own world for the past 15 months has already been a leave of absence, but maybe I haven’t been focused enough on myself.

Hollywood/LA – This came up in conversation and also in a few shows.  I have been to LA and Hollywood.  Despite not liking large cities, I was impressed with it’s beauty.  It is an interesting city and has a dichotomy of very spiritually open minded people and very vapid and shallow people.  So, maybe the message is to look at how I’m being both of those things.  If I think I’m spiritually evolved, but I can’t find the courage to speak my truth, does that mean I’m a fraud?  Maybe I have to dig into the darkness to find what gift is hiding underneath.

Fight with friend – This literally happened and unexpectedly.  It came up in a tv show the day before it actually occurred and in a spiritual teaching as an example of a pattern that repeats and how to overcome it.  I was just taken by surprise at how this came up as I wasn’t particularly stewing about it.  It was a minor annoyance under the surface, but as time and complexity increased, it turned into a bubbling anger.  The message is not letting things get so bad that it erupts.  Deal with the issue in the moment and learn to stand up for yourself.

Being at your worst – This came up in a documentary about repetitive drug abuse and the pain it can cause family and friends.  This ties into the traumatic event from last year and the worries on my mind this weekend.  It also ties into the fight with the friend.  And on a more disturbing note, it came up as a mother eating her baby. 

I’ve been blessed with two litters of kittens this year from the same mom, who was just a babe herself when she had her first litter.  Her second litter, which are nearing their two month mark are doing just fine, but were a result of a stray coming into our yard at night.  Unbeknownst to us, he also impregnated a kitten from the first litter we thought was too young to even be in heat.  She gave birth to three babies on the eclipse.  Not long after, she ate one of the kittens. 

I know animals and the natural world have a way of dealing with death and illness that sometimes appears cold or alarming to us.  However, there are many reasons this could have happened.  It could be she was too young and her mothering instinct didn’t kick in.  It could be hormones (we all know postpartum depression is a real thing, so why wouldn’t it be possible in the animal world?).  It could be that she sensed an illness in the kitten and took care of needless suffering while not wasting valuable nutrition her body needed.  It could have been other possibilities, but we’ll never know.  She seemed happy and not stressed while visiting this weekend and did a great job of tending to her two remaining kittens.  Despite the sadness I felt at the trauma they all experienced (the mom, the baby, the siblings, and my daughter), I know animals are more resilient than we know.  I just told the mom she was doing a great job and made sure she felt safe and loved.  Being a mom is hard work and I know I made my own mistakes and still am, so I’m not going to give anyone a hard time when they have that responsibility on their shoulders. So, I guess the message in this one is that if people in your life truly love you, they still will when they see you at your worst.

If I put all of these things together, the message I see is that if I look at the darker parts of me I don’t like, find ways to change the patterns I see as negative, I will have a chance to grow.  An argument with a friend doesn’t have to be the end of the friendship if you both are invested and most friendships will get stronger when you’ve seen each other at your worst.  I might need to take a break and retreat, but if I put the work in, I can have an even stronger bond.  Alternatively, if things weren’t meant to be, then we learned what we needed from each other and we will move on to bigger and better things but always have memories to reflect on.

Now, let’s see what AI comes up with.

Here's a spiritual message that threads those concepts into a cohesive and meaningful reflection:

🌌 The Alchemy of the Fall and Rise

There comes a moment in every soul’s journey when the glittering illusions of Hollywood—the promises of fame, validation, and perfection—begin to crack. You find yourself in LA, not just geographically, but spiritually: a place of projection, performance, and longing. And then, life delivers its plot twist. A fight with a friend. A betrayal. A breakdown. You’re at your worst—raw, exposed, and uncertain.

But this is where the real magic begins.

In ancient yogic traditions, siddhis are supernatural abilities born not from ego, but from deep spiritual practice. They are not the goal, but the byproducts of inner mastery. And yet, when you're at your lowest, it’s not the siddhis that save you—it’s the quintessence, the fifth element, the divine spark within that remains untouched by chaos. It’s the part of you that remembers who you are beyond the roles, the pain, and the projections.

So you take a leave of absence—not just from work or routine, but from the false self. You step back. You reverse engineer your suffering, tracing it to its source. Was it pride? Fear? The need to be seen? You dismantle the architecture of your pain, brick by brick, until you find the blueprint of your soul.

And in that stillness, something shifts. You realize that being at your worst was not a detour—it was initiation. The fight with your friend? A mirror. The breakdown? A breakthrough. The city of illusions? A stage for your awakening.

You begin to cultivate your own siddhis—not to impress, but to serve. Intuition sharpens. Compassion deepens. You become a quiet force, no longer chasing light, but radiating it.

This is the spiritual path: not a straight ascent, but a spiral. A dance between forgetting and remembering. Between falling and flying.

And now, you rise—not as the person you were, but as the essence you’ve always been.

Wow.  This was more than I was expecting.  I guess I’m still feeling a bit raw, but the idea of falling is also something that has been occurring and I’d forgotten until now. (Not to mention previous messages of jumping off a cliff, skydiving, and freefalling all appearing.) Over the past few days, I’ve had a towel holder in the bathroom fall out of the wall and then today, the remaining towel holder also fell.  My curtain rods in the living room are being pulled off the wall (after 13 cats were in the house).  My clothes are all falling apart and wearing thin, losing elasticity. After all the rain on the weekend, a large dead branch of a tree fell down.  My hammock that I’ve lovingly thought of as my cocoon has been tearing apart and last week when my partner laid in it, I heard a large rip.  I’ve been feeling the fall for quite some time and perhaps synchronously, the season is approaching as well.  I thought I was already on the rise, but maybe I wasn’t completely done.  Maybe there was more to come undone.

I've decided to include a wall hanging I made months ago. I named it The Fall, so it seemed fitting to place it here. I was inspired by some old hinges I found that were from a door. I knew I wanted to use them to represent the idea of being "unhinged". The whole piece has elements of the descent. The stick I used fell off of a dead tree and it had been hanging on for quite a while. One end of which, I sanded smooth to make it look nice, while I left the other end with scratchy, uneven bark. This represents the shiny image I was trying to uphold by doing the things others were doing (going to the gym, having a social life, being a busy mom, making nutritious meals, working a full time job, pretending to be happy), and the other more natural looking end was me after I gave up trying to be pretty and nice and do and be all the things. The mandala represents the need for spirituality and alignment with my inner self. The beehive pattern reflects sacred geometric patterns and bees are just pretty cool, so why not! The spirals represent the spiraling out of control and into the depths, but also kundalini energy that spirals up your spine when you have an awakening (or so I'm told). And everything on all of my creations can be undone, just like everything in life. We can always undo what we don't like about our current situation by taking things apart and reworking them into something more beautiful.

The Fall